


This Feeling I'll Forget

by thefangirlingdead



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Memory Loss, Mostly Fluff, Prompt Fill, rated M for language and some blink and you miss it porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 04:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1128570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlingdead/pseuds/thefangirlingdead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi suffers from short term memory loss, and while that makes it hard for him to find love, he finds Erwin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Feeling I'll Forget

**Author's Note:**

> _My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck_  
>  _I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet_  
>  _And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now_  
>  \- [Kiss Me](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfKb_WEkCE) \- Ed Sheeran
> 
> This is based on a lovely prompt from [heichousface](http://heichousface.tumblr.com). I originally thought this was going to be a quick, easy fill, but then it turned into 5,000 words of cute stuff.
> 
> Basically, I just can't handle these two men.

The accident happens when Levi is twelve, on a cold winter night. That's all he remembers.

His parents - and the doctors - fill him in of course, on multiple occasions, but it's all he  _remembers_. He doesn't remember the car hitting the patch of ice or sliding off of the road and into the tree. He doesn't remember being rushed to the hospital, or being in ICU for almost two weeks.

What he  _does_  remember, is a doctor telling his parents that he may suffer from short term memory loss. That it's common in head trauma victims and that with time, it will hopefully go away.

It doesn't.

At first, it's hard. At first, it's just about everything. He doesn't remember what he had to eat for breakfast. Doesn't remember how he got to school, doesn't remember what class he has next. Over time, though, he, his parents, and his doctors come up with a few methods to help him remember certain things. Making lists helps the most, as does setting alarms, as well as having his mother quiz him.

And the doctors aren't wrong. His memory  _does_  get better over time, but it doesn't go back to normal. And by the time that Levi is seventeen, they're pretty sure that it's not going to get much better.

The thing about Levi's memory is he can't choose what he does and doesn't forget. It's not something that's set in stone. There's no equation to say who and what Levi will remember the next day and what he won't. Sometimes, they're simple things like names. And sometimes, after meeting a person enough times, he eventually remembers them. Sometimes, he doesn't. Sometimes, on bad days, he forgets people he's known for months. And then on good days, he remembers them again, clear as day.

On bad days, he has difficulty remembering where he parked his car, and thanks god for the panic button. On bad days, he has to set an alarm to remind himself to take his medication, to eat lunch. On bad days, he sits outside his apartment in his car, pounding angrily on the steering wheel because he forgot to lock up at work and now he has to turn around, and he's scared that he won't remember how to get back home.

Thankfully, he has more good days than bad. Thankfully, he has a few friends that have been around since he was in high school - ones he can  _remember_  - and they help him through the rough days.

* * *

 

Levi meets Erwin when he's twenty-three. Or well, he's pretty sure he does, anyway. 

He goes to community college part time after high school - partially because he didn't have the best grades, and partially because his family doesn't have a lot of money - and works part time at a small local bar. He finds out right away, that bar tending is something that comes easy to him. Something that he can work with.

Levi makes lists of all of the cocktails and beers that they have on tap, and tapes them behind the bar, just in case he forgets. And after two years of working there, it's very rare that he does. When a customer orders a drink, he makes sure to either make it immediately, or write it down so he doesn't forget. And while it's challenging, especially on busy nights, it helps. It helps to work somewhere fast-paced. It helps to work somewhere where he has to be on his toes.

He happens to meet Erwin on a relatively busy night.

Saturdays are  _always_  busy, at least during the school year, and while he's not the only bartender working, Levi is swamped. Thankfully, Hanji is back there with him, helping him and reminding him if he forgets something, which thankfully is few and far between. He's having a good day. Saturdays are good days.

Levi is in the middle of making a drink for a regular when the tall, blonde man, as well as a couple of other people take the three open seats on the far end of his side of the bar.

"I'll be with you in a minute," He calls, just as he's finishing up.

And then he forgets.

Someone else in front of him orders a drink and he begins to make it before he glances to his left again.  
  
 _Shit_.

"Sorry about that," He says, once he finally makes it to the far end of the bar, "What can I get you guys?"

The blonde orders for the three of them. And while it's something easy - just three beers - Levi scribbles it down quickly on his notepad, just in case. As he walks away, he hears one of the three of them remark on it -

_"He really needed to write that down?"_

\- and has to bite his tongue. While he's dealt with his fair share of bullying over the years because of his memory, he still has a hard time not saying anything back. He has a hard time  _not_  picking a fight with someone twice the size of them.

 _"They're not worth it_ , _"_  Hanji always tells him, as if he  _doesn't_  remember the million other times she's said that to him. And while he knows she's right - how are they supposed to know? - he still can't help the way it makes his blood boil.

Levi makes the mistake of setting his notepad down after taking their order, mind too focused on ways to tell them off, and it takes him almost five minutes before he remembers. Thankfully, they're still waiting, and he rushes over with their drinks, without even so much as a  _"sorry"_ or any other kind of parting word. Hanji would be disappointed, but he doesn't care. They were rude.

As he turns to walk away, he hears another one of them grumble -

_"Jesus. Took him long enough."_

\- and he's about to turn on his heel, but Hanji stops him, grabbing his arm.

"Levi-"

"They're not worth it," He bites, turning away, "Yeah. I know."

And then he's hurrying off, taking someone else's order.

At the end of the night, Levi and Hanji are closing down their registers when she chuckles softly to herself.

"What's so funny?" He mutters, mentally cursing when her laughter sets his counting off and he has to start over on counting his twenty dollar bills again.

"That blonde guy," She says, holding a receipt up. Levi raises an eyebrow, his method of asking " _who?"_  and she explains. "The one with the jerk friends earlier?"

It takes a second for her to jog his memory, but eventually, Levi remembers. How could he forget the rude guys from earlier that night? "What about him?" He asks.

She hands him the receipt, allowing him to read it for himself. "Seems like he really liked you," She remarks.

Levi sighs, giving up on counting again and snatches the paper from Hanji's hands and looks down it. And scrawled out in neat handwriting is a twenty dollar tip on a fifteen dollar tab, and next to the neat signature, it reads,  _"Sorry about my asshole friends."_

Levi snorts and hands the receipt back to her. "He's trying too hard."

" _Jesus Christ,_ Levi," She mutters, rolling her eyes, "He was just being nice. Besides, he was pretty cute."

"I don't even remember what he looked like," Levi mutters, and he sees Hanji pause next to him out of the corner of his eye.

"Really?" She asks, suddenly feeling bad.

And Levi can't help the grin that stretches across his face at that.

"Oh you  _asshole!"_  She yells, smacking him with her handful of receipts.

* * *

 

The next day, Levi opens the bar by himself, and not even thirty minutes later, a tall, handsome blonde man walks in and sits down.

Levi abandons the rag that he's using to wipe down one of the tables and takes his place behind the bar, sans-notepad. "What can I get you?" He asks, leaning slightly against the bar top.

The man eyes him for a moment, as if he's expecting something else, before he clears his throat. "I, uh - Just a Coors Light, thanks."

Levi retrieves his drink for him, takes his money, and is about to go back to cleaning when he's interrupted.

"I'm sorry again," The man says, catching his attention and causing him to turn around, "About last night."

Levi furrows his brow in confusion, racking his brain for something - anything -

_What did this guy do last night?_

\- before giving up, that all too familiar feeling of having forgotten something settling in his stomach.

"What happened last night?"

The man stares at him for a moment, mouth open, before he groans, "Oh, god, you don't even remember. Now I'm just the asshole who's going to remind you."

Levi can't help but smile slightly at his obvious discomfort. He seems nice - kind of like a big puppy dog, maybe a golden retriever - but nice. And though he seems like he's in agony, apologizing for something that Levi doesn't even remember, he decides to milk it. He  _is_  pretty handsome, after all.

"Trust me," Levi jokes, "I don't remember a lot of things."

* * *

 

The third time that Levi sees him, he remembers his face, but not his name. It's on a Friday night, before the bar gets busy, and he's there with two friends. The two friends, Levi is assuming, that were dicks to him, if only he could remember it. 

Levi chats with him for a minute - just small talk - all while trying to force himself to remember his name. He remembers that smile, and his blue eyes from the last time he saw him but not his name. Of all times for Levi to forget something...

He wants to smack himself, but thankfully, the man hands him his card to pay for their drinks, and he eyeballs it, repeating it in his head, over and over again -

_Erwin Smith. Erwin Smith. Of course it had to be a weird fucking name._

_-_  before handing it back to him.

Hanji comes in to close that night, and when she walks behind the bar, she grins wide at Levi.

" _Oh god_ ," He mutters, "What's that look for?"

"Nothing," She says as she passes him, but her grin doesn't fade. "Blondie is here."

Levi rolls his eyes. "I'm aware of that."

"Just thought I'd remind you," She teases back. And when it earns another eye-roll from Levi, she adds, "He's checking you out."

* * *

 

The fourth time that Levi sees him, he still can't remember his name. 

And the fourth time Levi sees him, Erwin asks him out.

"I just wanted to know if maybe you wanted to get coffee or something or-" He's saying, all wide, blue puppy dog eyes, and while it's flattering and  _of course_  Levi wants to say yes, all he can think of is the fact that  _he can't remember his name._ That he doesn't even know how many times he's talked to this guy now. He knows it's a few, and he knows that he has a couple of not so polite friends, but that's all he can remember, and eventually, he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tight.

Erwin seems to take that as his cue to stop talking, and Levi's eyes immediately fly open.

"I'm sorry-" Erwin stops, but Levi cuts him off.

" _I'm_  sorry," He insists, "But what's your name again?"

And while - for a split second, there's that tell-tale hint of worry in his eyes - he manages a smile, and says, "Erwin."

" _Erwin_ ," Levi repeats, remembering something his doctor told him -

_Repeating someone's name at least three times after you meet them helps you remember it._

_-_ "I'd like that, yeah."

Erwin's eyes widen, as if Levi's answer catches him off guard. "You-"

"Yeah, I'd like to get coffee with you," He confirms.

By the end of Levi's shift, they've exchanged numbers and Levi has set an alarm for two-o-clock on Tuesday -

_"Date with Erwin. The blonde puppy from the bar."_

_-_ and sent a text to Hanji, telling her to remind him.

* * *

 

Erwin is an absolute gentleman. And throughout the date, Levi's previous suspicions of him being a giant blonde puppy are confirmed. He's happy and talkative and  _bright_  and everything that Levi is not. And as they talk, Levi can't help the way that his eyes linger on his lips or hands or even his  _hair_ , as if he's trying to memorize him. 

And as they talk, sitting in a little corner in the coffee shop, Levi starts dreading a certain part of their conversation more and more. He starts dreading it, because he really does like Erwin. He's got a good sense of humor and an even better taste in music and he wants to travel too and -

And Levi  _hates_ dates, because at some point, he has to decide if the person is someone he'd like to keep seeing. And at some point, he has to tell them about his memory. And sometime after that point, the person in question decides that they don't want to see him anymore.

After a couple of hours - long after their coffee has gone cold and they've run out of new things to talk about - Levi realizes that he's reached that point.

He opens his mouth to say something, but Erwin speaks first.

"Look, I don't want this to come off as too forward," He starts, "And if you're not into it, I totally understand. But I really would like to see you again. Outside of your work, obviously."

And Levi's heart absolutely sinks.

He clears his throat, "I uh, I actually need to tell you something, first."

* * *

 

When Levi gets home early that evening, he shuts the door behind himself and sinks to the floor, head in his hands. Hanji is up from the couch within seconds, crouching down in front of him. 

"Levi?" She asks softly, "Is everything okay?"

He just groans in response.

"Did he-" She starts, but Levi cuts her off.

"He's fucking perfect," He mutters through his hands, and at that, Hanji lets out a laugh.

"So I take it the date went well?"

Levi nods against his hands, still hiding his face. "More than well."

"Okay..." She says, cocking her head to the side, even though he can't see her, "So what's with the little fit?"

It's silent for a few beats while Levi composes himself before he pulls his hands away, muttering, "I don't want to fuck it up."

" _Levi_ ," She groans, "You're not going to fuck it up."

"I might not, but  _this_  might," He replies, pointing at his head. And though Hanji doesn’t say anything in response, Levi knows very well from experience that it’s a possibility. Even though Erwin had seemed completely fine with it, even asking a few questions, wondering what he could do to make things easier for Levi, there’s still a possibility that his memory could ruin things. There’s  _always_  that possibility

* * *

 

Thankfully, their next two dates fall on good days. 

When Erwin shows up at the apartment, Levi answers the door with a smile, letting him in without missing a beat. And while he asks a few questions that he already asked on their first date at dinner -  _where'd you grow up? what are you going to school for?_  - Erwin doesn't even mention it. He doesn't even bat an eye. He just repeats his answers, as if it were the first time that Levi asked.

And when Erwin drops him off that evening - thankfully remembering the way to the apartment when Levi draws a blank at first - he walks him to the door, fingers lingering on his arm for a few seconds.

"I had a great time," Erwin says, and  _god_  it's so cliché it hurts.

Even Levi catches it, smirking before asking, "So is this where we kiss or...?"

And with a small smile, Erwin shrugs -  _"I guess so_ ," - and leans down, hand soft on the side of his face, and places a quick kiss on his lips.

Their third date, Levi goes to Erwin's house to watch some movies. And while they're sitting close on the couch, Erwin's hand resting easily on Levi's leg, something hits him.

"We've kissed already, right?" He asks, turning to look up at him, and to his relief, the look on Erwin's face isn't of disappointment. It isn't a look that says  _"oh, god he's already forgotten."_

No, instead, it's a wide, endearing smile before he nods. "Yeah, we have."

Levi nods, vaguely remembering it. It had been cliché, outside of his apartment door. "Refresh my memory?" He tries, and at that, Erwin actually laughs.

"How many times have you tried that line?" He asks, even as he leans in close.

Levi shrugs and deadpans, "I don't remember."

And to his relief, Erwin's smile only widens. "Oh," He says, voice lowering as he tilts Levi's chin up, just slightly, thumb running over his jaw, "I'm going to have fun with this.

* * *

 

Their fourth date ends in tangled limbs and out of breath gasps, and Erwin pressing a wet kiss onto Levi's temple as he rolls off of him, sweaty and gross, but also still attractive as ever. Levi watches the way the muscles in his back move as he reaches over, tossing the condom into the trash. He finds himself staring, eyes following the slope of the small of his back, the dimples above his ass... 

" _Hey_ ," Erwin breaths, rolling over to face Levi again.

"Hey," Levi mimics, propping his head up on his elbow. He finds his eyes mapping out Erwin's chest as well, down his neck, noting the way his collar bone juts out just slightly, how hips dip and -

"Eyes are up here," Erwin teases softly, and Levi glances up, smiling.

"Sorry," He mutters, "Just storing it away."

And Erwin flashes him a sly little grin, glancing at the clock over his shoulder. "We've got some time before Hanji gets home," He says coyly, "If you want me to refresh your memory."

Levi chuckles, "You think I need it?"

Erwin nods in response, leaning in to press a quick kiss on his lips. Then another. "Oh yeah," He murmurs in between pecks, "You know, just in case."

The morning  _after_ their fourth date, however, begins with Levi rolling over in his bed - expecting a big, empty space to his right, and finding another body lying peacefully next to him. His eyes fly open, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, and he immediately scoots backward so fast that he actually falls off of the bed with a loud  _thud_.

" _Fuck_ ," Levi mutters, "Fuck, fuck-"

He rips one of the blankets off of his bed when he realizes that he's naked on the floor and quickly wraps it around his waist, just as the man in his bed stirs, turning over.

"Levi?" He asks, voice sleepy, “You alright?”

" _Hanji!_ " He calls, voice wavering, even as he makes eye contact with him. And while he isn't bad looking - and while Levi is certain that he's in his bed for good reasons - he can't for the life of him remember who he is or how he got there or  _what_  happened last night, and  _that_  terrifies him. It always has. The worst days are the days that Levi can't remember the entire day before. The worst days are when Levi can't remember someone that he's met multiple times.

His bad days have been the cause of many of his breakups, and though Levi doesn't know the context of the man in his bed, he already knows that it's safe to assume that this episode - that him on the floor, on the verge of a panic attack - will more than likely scare him away, too, just like everyone else.

Thankfully, a half-awake Hanji bursts through the door, pausing for a moment when her eyes come to rest on the half-naked Erwin in Levi's bed, before making her way to Levi. He's on the ground, clutching the blanket around his waist and gasping for air, eyes wide, body trembling.

"Hey,  _hey,"_  Hanji murmurs, kneeling in front of him, holding onto his arms, "Levi, you're alright, it's okay.  _Deep breaths_. Can you do that? Take deep breaths for me."

" _Is there anything I can do_?" Erwin asks quietly from the other end of the room, and without even looking up, Hanji replies.

"You can get dressed," She says, eyes still on Levi, "And get me a glass of water, please."

" _Hey..._ " Hanji breaths, catching Levi's chin with her fingers when he starts to breathe heavy again, gaze lingering on Erwin for a second to long, "Look at me. You're alright, okay?"

Levi nods shakily, sucking in a few quick, deep breaths, "Okay."

"Do you remember anything?" She asks, he hands rubbing up and down Levi's arms softly, soothingly.

He shakes his head back and forth in a fast, jerky movement.

"Nothing?" She asks, just to be sure.

"No," Levi rasps, "I don't know who that is, I don't-"

"Shh, it's okay," Hanji coos, "It's alright, you'll remember, just give it time, okay. This has happened before, remember?"

Levi nods shakily, "I know."

"So you'll be alright, just take deep breaths," She instructs. There's a rustling on the other side of the room and she glances up to where the blonde man stands in the doorway. He doesn't step foot in the room, though, for fear of overstepping some invisible line, and though Levi doesn't remember him, not yet, he can't help but like that.

He doesn't look hurt or angry, just concerned.

Hanji convinces Levi to take a hot shower -

_"Maybe it'll clear your head."_

_-_  and while he's certain that it won't help as much as she hopes it will, he  _does_ need a shower. He feels gross and sticky, and just the thought of  _why_  makes his head spin and his stomach feel sick.

While he's in the shower, Hanji waits with Erwin in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee.

"I can leave," Erwin says quietly, looking down at his mug, "If I need to."

Hanji eyes him carefully at that, as if she's heard those words before. And hell, she probably has. "Do you  _want_  to leave?" She asks at last. The question is laced with plenty of unspoken words, the most prominent being  _“If you leave now, don’t plan on coming back.”_

And while Erwin is quiet for a moment, he's certain when he answers with a soft, "No."

"Then you don't need to," She replies, shooting him a smile as she sits down across from him at the table. "If you have any questions, now is the time to ask."

Erwin takes a deep breath. He knows that Hanji is used to this. She's used to seeing people that get freaked out by Levi and his memory and his episodes, but Erwin isn't one of those people. He's not freaked out. Concerned, but not freaked out.

"Is he going to be alight?"

She smiles, "Oh yeah, he'll be fine. He bounces back pretty quick nowadays."

"And he'll-"

"Remember you?" Hanji supplies, seemingly reading his thoughts, "Yeah. I can't guarantee that he will today, but yes, he will."

Erwin nods, and it's quiet for a moment before Hanji is speaking again.

"Erwin."

"Hmm?" He looks up, and to his surprise, she looks incredibly serious, hands gripping her coffee mug tight.

"Are you serious about this?" She asks, eyes narrowed, "About Levi?"

The question catches him a little off guard and he stammers for a moment when he answers, "I uh - yeah. Yeah, I am."

She watches him for a few seconds, expression unchanging, as if trying to read him, and it hits Erwin hard - though he had already suspected it - that this isn't the first time that Levi has been through this. That it's not the first time that  _she's_  been through watching people get scared off by her roommate.

"I'm not going anywhere," He says, keeping eye contact as he speaks, "Unless he asks me to."

Levi doesn't ask him to

* * *

 

Six months after they start dating, Levi starts writing the notes to himself. 

Erwin is at his apartment more often than not, and one evening he sits down next to Levi in the living room as he's pulling a new composition notebook out of a bag and writing  _"Erwin"_  on the front of it in big, black letters.

"What are you doing?" He asks, handing setting Levi's coffee in front of him at the table.

"Making a list," Levi mutters, as if it's a no-brainer. He opens the notebook up to a fresh page, but doesn't begin writing anything yet.

"A list about me?" Asks Erwin, reaching out to thumb at the notebook.

Levi nods. "When uh... When I was recovering, the doctors said that making lists and writing notes to yourself can help you remember things easier."

"So you're making a list about me," Erwin repeats, taking a sip of his coffee.

" _Yes_ ," Levi replies in an exasperated voice, "And if you keep asking that, the first thing that's going in this list is  _'Erwin Smith is an annoying little shit.'_ "

Erwin chuckles, "Levi-"

" _Yep_ ," Levi bites, scribbling something on the paper, "That's it. You asked for it."

* * *

 

Most days are good days. Most days, Levi remembers Erwin, especially after they've been together for over a year. Most days are good, but that doesn't mean that Levi doesn't have a bad day every once in a while. It doesn't mean that Levi doesn't have a lapse in memory every once in a while, blanking on the name of the attractive man sitting next to him on the couch. 

"I'm sorry, I-"

" _Erwin_ ," He says, before Levi even has the chance to get the question out one night while they're watching The Lord of the Rings. He rests a hand soft on Levi's knee, sparing him a soft smile, "Erwin Smith." He's had to answer the question a small handful of times now, enough to know when it's coming.

And Levi's mouth curls up into a small smile as well -  _of course, how could he forget Erwin?_ \- and he mutters out a quiet, "Nice to meet you, Erwin," before his boyfriend smacks him in the side and shushes him, earning a laugh from Hanji, where she sits on the other couch.

Most days are good days, but that doesn't stop Levi from waking up some mornings, in bed next to Erwin, mind drawing a blank. Sometimes, he'll remember Erwin - he  _knows_  who he is - but he doesn't remember anything about him, and  _that's_  when his notes come in handy. On those mornings, Levi will climb out of bed quietly, tip-toeing across the room to his desk where he opens his drawer and pulls out the small, beat up composition notebook.

He always flips to the most recent page - those seem to jog his memory the best - and smiles.

On one particular morning, he rolls over, eyes blinking open slowly, and his vision takes a moment to focus on the sleeping form next to him. He knows it's Erwin. They've been dating for... A year now? Year and a half? He can't quite remember, but he also can't remember his favorite color right now either. Or where he lives.

_Did he move in with you? Is he just staying the night?_

Without hesitation, Levi rolls sleepily out of bed, making his way over to his desk and flipping open his notebook. The most recent page is from the previous evening, and he smiles as soon as he sees it.

_"You love Erwin's back dimples. Seriously, you fucking love that shit. If he's sleeping right now - which he probably is - look over there. I can guarantee that you'll be able to see them. Now tell me you don't want to fucking lick them. I'm right, aren't I?"_

Levi snorts at his own note, but still glances across the room toward Erwin's sleeping form. Sure enough, the blanket over him is high enough to cover his ass, but low enough to expose the small of his back, and Levi can't help but agree with his note. He  _did_  write it, after all.

He flips to the page before it, just for something else to read.

_"You love him. And in case you're wondering who I'm talking about, he's the big, dumb, puppy dog looking guy that you're probably freaking out about being in your bed right now. It's okay, you want him there. Just go get back in bed and cuddle up next to him. You love the way he clings onto you when he's asleep, even if it does suffocate you a little sometimes. Go give him a big kiss for me or something."_

And while Levi's brain is still struggling to catch up - are Erwin's eyes blue or green? - he stands up, stretching, and returns to bed.

* * *

 

After one great night in particular, almost two years after they start dating, Levi gets home late and the first thing he does is go straight to his room and pull out his notebook, before he forgets. 

" _Erwin asked you to move in with him today,"_ He writes, unable to hide the smile as he does so.

_"And I know this isn't really a journal or a diary, so to speak, but I needed to write this down for you, just in case. Because you're not allowed to forget this one. You've been dating for almost two years, now, by the way. So congratulations._

_Seriously, though, Erwin is the best thing that's ever happened to you. He's sweet and caring and has stuck with your sorry ass for this long. He lets you joke about your memory and doesn’t get mad and kisses your head like it'll make you get better, and sometimes you believe him. It does help._

_So, needless to say, you're moving in with him as soon as your lease is up. Hanji will be upset, but she'll be happy. She loves him too._

_Now, if you're freaking out and reading this some morning or whatever, and have no idea where you are or who he is, it's okay. You're home, and you love him. Now go kiss him for me."_

* * *

 

Most days are good days. Most days, he has something good - or something funny or something embarrassing - to write in the notebook. And after over two years of mostly good days, he has to buy a second one. 

Some days are bad, though. Those are the days that Levi wishes he could erase from his memory forever. He wishes he could forget the way that he just  _lost it_  one night, while in bed with Erwin, hips arching  _up, up, up,_ when suddenly, he couldn't remember anything. When suddenly, he just drew a blank. When he didn’t recognize the face of the man above him, saying his name in soft, breathy moans, leaning down to press a kiss to his neck.

Hanji wasn't there that night, and Levi had been hysterical, but Erwin had been there, calm and cool and collected as ever, helping him calm down, just as Hanji had taught him. He stays with Levi, even when Levi screams at him to get out, and he shows him the notebook, promising him that he'll remember again soon.

Most days are good days, though, and Levi is eternally grateful for that. It seems that every day they're together, it becomes easier for Levi to remember, to retain information. Every day that they're together, it's easier for Levi to wake up in the morning, roll over on his side and place a soft kiss on lips of the man lying in bed with him.

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Levi murmurs one evening, his limbs tangled with Erwin's underneath thin sheets. His fingers trace up and down Erwin's back, dipping down into his dimples then moving back up to his shoulders.

Erwin smiles, "Probably be significantly less confused some mornings."

Levi groans in response, closing his eyes. "I was trying to be cute, you know," He mutters, rolling over onto his back, untangling his legs from Erwin’s, "That doesn't happen very often. You should be grateful."

Erwin rolls over as well until he's half on top of him again, and kisses him quickly a couple of times. "Sorry," He mutters, grinning.

"You better be," Levi teases, "Don't make me write another embarrassing note about you."

* * *

 

Most days are good days. Most days are easy, comfortable, full of love. 

Some days are bad, though, and that's inevitable. Thankfully, Levi has certain pages bookmarked for those days. Simple pages that read something along the lines of:

_"You love him. Trust me."_

Or,

 _"Erwin Smith is an annoying little shit._ "

Or Levi's personal favorite, a page he adds a little more than five years after they start dating.

_"His name is Erwin Smith. You love him and you're marrying him today."_


End file.
